Random thoughts

What is the evolutionary benefit of the female orgasm?

It has been thought in the past that it associated with couple bonding and also has been believed to assist in sperm retention, or famously coined as “sperm suck-up”.

Where more likely it is the result of identical embriotic development in the womb upto a certain point. Females and males deviate sometime after the physical development has pretty much finished. The same argument can be put forth for the male nipple. Where males can, in theory, lactate if given vital hormones at pivital development stages, ie. pubity.

Not sure if i’ve touched on this before, but I’d like to explore one of the arguments against evolution, Irreducible complexity.

It’s the theory that some structures in nature are irreducibly complex, meaning that if any one part of a complex system were to be removed, it would no longer function as a system. An example of this is the fergellum. The fergellum is a structure that exists in nature that is made up of numerous parts, if any of these parts were to be removed, it would no longer work as it’s “Intended”. The main fault with this theory is that it assumes evolution and associated systems have a purpose in mind. It also assumes that a system was never meant to work for any other purpose. A good analogy is a stone archway. An archway woulnd’t stand up if you removed any of the numerous parts that make it up, and from the view of the finished product, it would seem that it’s impossible to construct. Yet in reality, it’s constructed with the assistance of a scaffold. In the same way that an archway uses a scaffold, complex biological systems can also be supported by a support structure, which throughout time is no longer needed, ie. no selective pressure.

“You and your brother are very proud of your Thai background these days huh? Kinda like your brother changing his name”.

Now there’s two issues here:
1. She should probably refrain from ever bringing up my brother changing his name back to it’s original form, this reminds me of Aaron’s wedding, and my parents’ behaviour at said wedding…Well let me just say i’ve never in my life been so embarrassed for my family. EVERYONE knew what was going on. Aaron, Me, Sarah, Sarah’s parents, the whole bridal party, everyone that really mattered… we were still making our impressions for fuck’s sake, and this hurt them. Why on earth would Mum feel so protective of a name she pretty much acosted Aaron into doing, it means very little to anyone, or so i thought… The name that was inserted to hide Aaron’s Thai name was Taylor, a very white, honky name, the name of someone who my mum thought Aaron liked (where in fact he was a fat turd). Why did she feel betrayed? Did she think she was doing Aaron a favour by supporting his self loathing over his background, because that’s what i think it was due to, a lot of my behaviour was due to that.
2. It’s not about being proud of my Thai background, it’s about having a Thai background… I’m half Thai, that’s it, as much as i used to not want to be, i was… I am. There’s no denying anymore, no hiding it, fuck it, it’s there. I think finally at 26 years, i’m finally coming to terms with it. And to celebrate this, i’m getting a tattoo, as silly as my “mum” thinks it is.

I wish i could have said something, but for reason i refuse to state, i can’t. Not now, not ever.

I have been wondering something, something loosely based on a dream i’ve been having recently.

If i said to you, point at “Liam”, you’d point in my general direction… what about my general direction is “Liam”? Is it the collection of body parts that make up me? Is it the arrangement of facial features that makes up my face? Are you pointing to where you think my “mind/soul/being” is located? If i cut off a leg it place it on the other side of the room, where am i now? am i the leg without a body, or the body without the leg? what part that’s left makes me still me? What if i further more remove the rest of my limbs, and place them with my leg, so now you have my limbs in one area, and my torso and head in another, where am i now? Are you still pointing to where my face is? my mind is? what if i were to decapitate myself and place my head in ANOTHER section of the room, now where am i? are you going to base your perception of me on a percentage? 40% of me here, 45% of me there and 5% over there, what if the 5% consisted just of my head, is it me? or innate pieces of meat that used to be me?

I’ve taken note of how my friends have treated people they don’t like, i’m starting to receive this sort of behaviour now. Too often people don’t express how they feel about another, or lack of feeling, or lack of friendship or whatever. It’s weak. It’s not doing the other party any good. How are they supposed to discover what is appropriate and friend worthy behaviour when there is no one there willing to tell them when they’ve gone astray. Is it time for me to move on? Ever since i’ve gotten back from Canada i’ve felt out of place. I didn’t feel “in place” over there, neither here. I don’t feel like i can fit in anywhere atm. I wonder if everyone else is just at a different place than myself, a different stage of their lives. Worse part is that i can’t figure out whether or not this is real. Don’t get me wrong, it feels real, but i know, up there, that it could be me distorting reality with my paranoia.

Find a program that syncs outlook and facebook.

From now on, i’m going to write my reading notes on here as well as my personal thoughts, feel free to skip if you don’t care, or you could f**k off, your choice.

The male “Gay gene” discovered in 1993 is directly related to the fertility of females.
fMRI results of homosexual versus hetrosexual people: male homos are similar to hetro females, homo females are similar to hetro males. Based on activity in the Amygdalas (emotional centre of the brain).
Are facial expressions more than forms of communications? Fightened or scared facial expression may increase visual perception through enlarged eyes, and increased breathing through open mouth, possible precursors for fight response. Disgusted facial expression may decrease sensortory perception through squinting eyes and screwed up nose.

I’ve also come across some quotes from Einstein in regards to God. It concerned me that he mentioned god at all as creationists have often referred to this in defense of their evolutionary position, as silly as that seems. A common quotation is “God does not play dice”, i’ve often rebutted with the explaination that he actually meant god as in the universe, or the totality of how things are, he used this when responding the the quantum uncertainty debates that plagued his later life. I think the following quote will give further insight:
“The word god is for me nothing more than the expression and product of human weakness”
“The bible is a collection of honourabl, but still primitive legends which are nevertheless pretty childish. No interpretation no matter how subtle can change this.”
Whilst i’m here, would also like to respond to the argument that evolutionary scientist don’t even agree on a unified theory… This for one is untrue, but lets pretend, for stupidities sake that it is true. How many versions of the bible are there? How many religions are there? I could go on, but i won’t.

Sometime I wish I could go back in time to say the things I should have… of course the insight comes days later of what would have been a better response than “Ummmm….” I feel stupid.

Eg.

When dad says:

“You’ve always thought you’re better than everyone Liam, you should try taking a professionals advice instead of self diagnosing yourself using nothing but the internet as a resource”

I should have said “That’s fair enough if they’re a professional in the area in which you require advice, but unfortunately due to the afore mentioned “internet”, I can say, with a fair amount of certainty that I am more informed than they are. GPs are very knowledgeable, but an expert on very little.”

When Mum says:

“I think it’s unhealthy for you to have your computer in your room, all you do is watch movies on it”

I should have said “How is that any different to Blair in the next room, laying on the couch watching movies?”

For some reason she has a problem with me spending time in my room, she believes that I should interact more… But all they do is watch TV too! Hypocrites.

Being energetic but having it fuelled by anger and frustration

Or

Being Lazy and having it fuelled by contentment

Cast you votes now, but keep in mind that the former will probably have me wondering the street trying to create a reason to hit someone, and the latter will see me in bed watching Boston Public most of the day.

So far today i’ve freaked out twice, the trigger, what my friends haven’t said. The first instance is me RSVP’ing to something i’m not even sure i was invited to, and the second is a friend’s tone over the internet. Is there such a thing as tone over the internet? Should i withdraw my RSVP? I’m going to go make a doctors appointment, right now.

Over the past week or so, i’ve let my medication lapse. I’ve been getting more and more agitated whilst for the first time in a long time, getting a full night’s sleep. The reason i wasn’t getting a full night’s sleep is because of my horrific nightmares and waking up constantly in a cold sweat, very unpleasant. But i’ve started to wonder if being off my medication would be preferable, which so far it has. It’s early days though, i’ve gone off my meds before and it took weeks to get to my natural level of despondency. Perhaps i need to change from the standard, blunt object that is SSRIs to another class, perhaps MAOs, the only foreseeable problem is their incomparability with mind altering substances, which would certainly be a shame.

If you haven’t discovered it yet, well here it is:

I’d like to kidnap, strangle and then stuff her with white fluffy innards:

This is my final day in Canada.

Vancouver has been good, had a much better time than in Victoria. The people seemed friendlier, or maybe i was more open to peoples’ friendliness. I’d say it’d be a bit of both. Vancouver is also a lot more like Melbourne, perhaps that added to my comfort level.

Has Canada changed me? i’d like to think so. I’m a lot more outgoing and social here. Not sure why i’m usually not at home. If i could figure out what it is about Canada that has caused this, i’d like to take it away with me. Will i fall back into bad habits when i get home? I’ll let you know next week.

One major thing stands out about them, the attractiveness is totally disproportional. The males here are sooooo much uglier. Any standard looking male should really head to Canada to search for a mate. Great pickings.

Whilst Antonia and I were walking past a marina yesterday, a guy was returning his wheel burrow. I asked him if it was for the dead body. He asked my pardon. I then clarrified, “Is that for carrying the dead body to your boat for when you need to dispose of one?”… He said no. He had a nylon bag with him. I asked if it contained the hands, feet and head of his victim. He said no. He quickly retreated to his car and drove away cautiously. I always knew Nth America was easy on the sarcasm, but i didn’t realise the extent.

To have sex with one of those talking deaf people? You know the ones that sign as they’re talking… at least they would be able to hear you giggle.

Do hostels attract lots of crazys? the evidence would suggest so. So far i’ve had two people crap onto me about conspiracy theories, both Canadians, both in a hostel and both completely delusional. The first was a middle aged woman, i should have seen the warning signs when she claimed she was a scholar of quantum biology. She believe that she had been chosen by the universe or god (she wasn’t sure) to make numerous ground breaking discoveries based on hidden messages in a book she was reading. She also believe a change was coming, in 2012 that would change the world, and she was going to be famous for her discoveries that induce this change. Crackpot, total crackpot.

The next guy believed that the government is genetically altering our food to change our dna when we eat it. He believed that this was the cause of cancer and many other illnesses. The reason being so that the government can collect donation money.

Oh and i forgot about one i met at Aaron’s wedding who was trying to convince me that we “store” knowledge in our hearts and that the brain is just a conduit.  She wasn’t quite sure what to say when i asked about pacemakers.

Canada certainly has been interesting.